Dear Bible Alive,
Well, it’s now over seven months since that dreadful day when I was sent to prison and my life fell apart around me – I can still remember seeing my dear wife sitting a few rows in front of me in total shock! I remember thinking, ‘Where on earth is God?’ We had been praying that God’s will would be done in the situation but the police, probation officer, solicitor and barrister were all convinced I would receive a suspended sentence or community order.
My first lesson was to learn that what God wanted for me was not necessarily what myself or others thought or wanted!
I quickly realized that God was in this with me, and had gone before me into this prison, preparing a single cell on a relatively quiet landing with a job to keep me going six days a week. The normal wait of 6–8 weeks to be transferred to an open prison took just eight days and on 3 September I arrived at the new prison and within three weeks I had been given the Chapel Orderly job. I look back and remember feeling at rock bottom and God challenged me daily…my lifestyle, my treatment of wife and family, and more importantly my relationship with God! You see, over the previous few years I had concentrated too much on trying to build up my business, and given little time to God, less time to my children and family, and virtually no time to my wife… I was always so busy!!
I now firmly believe that God had prepared the mind of the judge to sentence me to prison. He planted me in my first prison and then in the second one I was sent to, where I now had plenty of time available to me to examine myself and my life. At that time marks out of 10: NIL!! Shortly after my induction here at Leyhill my loving Father began his work in me: he placed me in the Chapel complex where daily I am able to spend hours studying God’s precious Word and in prayer.
Weeks passed into months. I was ‘enhanced’ for good behaviour, then ten days before Christmas those dreaded kidney pains came again and I spent five days in hospital. ‘Where was God again?’ I remember asking. Just as I seemed to be climbing out of the mire and gaining strength in my faith again, I felt my feet being kicked from underneath me. But those five days in hospital enabled my wife and others to visit me daily and I soon realized it was God’s way of helping me cope with the inevitable separation from my loved ones at Christmas.
I returned to prison and two days before Christmas I had my move to C Wing, or what I call ‘my Travel Lodge’. After Christmas up to February I had to return to hospital for further treatment and each time it meant extra moments in a natural environment with my wife. What a great God I was now experiencing!
I am so grateful to God for giving me the opportunity of talking daily with prisoners who have been serial killers, sex offenders, arsonists, drug dealers and barons, and these are only a few of the crimes represented here. Some men have been in prison for thirty plus years and several will stay for the rest of their lives. I have had to learn anew that they are as precious to God as I am and I count it a privilege to serve them for his sake. Through my Bible study especially during Lent I learnt what it is to be a true servant to my fellow prisoners, talking and praying with men whose lives have fallen apart. One young man’s wife had left him for another man. There was George with a serious drug habit, Phil who was almost suicidal and was hospitalized for treatment yet now attends Alpha with me, and in the last week I have stood by Rod, a fellow Chapel Orderly, who a week ago last Tuesday was on home leave and took his 87-year-old ‘young’ mother out for a day but on Friday (the last day of his leave) she had a heart attack and within minutes had died. 
God is not only using me in his work but I feel is now prospering me in my walk with him. The 50+ forum and the PCC group as well as my Chapel Orderly work take up 80% of my days; I still have a little more work to do on two skill courses and the rest of my days are spent letter writing, which is a wonderful therapy to me. I currently have sixty-nine friends/family who write to me and only the other day I received my 300th letter. In return I have written just over 500. On only a few occasions have I had to send an SOS to my wife for stamps, writing paper and envelopes as you are all so generous to me in sending these items to me. I have also received over £300 in postal orders, which has enabled me to make regular phone calls to my wife and the family, when possible, and also to buy top-ups to the pretty basic grub we have here – corned beef, biscuits and fruit from our ‘canteen shop’.
During these seven months there have been many times of loneliness and despair. The family photos on the wall by my bed remind me who is praying not just for me but for my darling wife. Not only did I receive a prison sentence but she did as well. What she has had to do in the last seven months beggars belief and the family too have suffered because of my situation. During the early weeks and months of my sentence I sought the forgiveness of my wife and the family. The biggest difficulty, though, was trying to forgive myself, but with the Chaplain’s help and hours of talking and praying I am making progress in this area.
As I allow Christ, the Living Water, to fill me, others are becoming refreshed. My prayer last Lent was to ask Jesus to let me minister to others as a servant of the Lord Jesus and to burn this desire into my innermost being as I become more on fire with him. God is answering my prayer.
So what of the future? Discussions are underway about work when I am released. Everything is in the early stages at the moment but your prayers would be appreciated as plans unfold. We do not know right now exactly where our future lies, but we do know who holds our future and that is everything to us.
Please keep your letters coming in. They are a constant tower of strength to me, and replying is an excellent therapy and discipline for me. Listening to my worship songs and Spring Harvest CDs as I write to you all has helped beyond measure.
Whether you have only written on the odd occasion or on a regular basis, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Many of you have shared very personal things with me and I feel so privileged to have been taken into your confidence. Also every day I am aware of God’s strength and the power of your prayers. Thanks to you all!
Lots of you have commented on how upbeat and cheerful I always seem to sound. That is what I try to achieve, but life in prison is extremely tough going. Verbal abuse is a daily occurrence and the language used…foul, as you can imagine. Missing my wife is the hardest thing I have had to come to terms with and I can’t thank her enough for her forgiveness, love, prayers and daily support.
So, in closing, as I read through this letter there appears to be a large number of ‘I’s. Please, it’s not about me, Steve, but about God’s saving grace in my life. Praise God! May he bless you as you have blessed me here in Leyhill prison.
Although I am Baptist, nevertheless during my nearly nine months in prison I have been able to read and study God’s Word using different Bible notes, of which Bible Alive is one. Felt today the desire to write to you and thank you for all you and the staff undertake during its publication and to encourage you to continue your work.
Thank you and may Our Risen Lord richly bless you as you together strive to bless others.
In Christian love,
Steve
NB. We have not published Steve's real name to protect his identity.
