I loved to choose and see my path

One of Newman’s favourite verses in the Bible is from St Paul (2 Cor. IV.6): ‘God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.’ (Revealed in the Gospel, p.557).

Newman understood the word translated as ‘heart’ to be an equivalent of the term ‘conscience’.

‘…that obedience to our conscience, in all things, great and small, is the way to know the Truth; that pride hardens the heart, and sensuality debases it; and that all those who live in pride and sensual indulgence can no more comprehend the way of the Holy Spirit, or know the voice of Christ than the devils who believe with a dead faith and tremble!’ (The Self-wise Inquirer, p.146).

He was well aware that sin can dull the sharpness of the rays of personal decision making falling upon present or anticipated circumstances.

God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ‘Is not the light that is in a man sometimes even darkness, sometimes twilight, and sometimes of this hue or that, tinging every part of himself with its own peculiarity? How then is it possible that a man can duly examine his feelings and affections by the light within him?’ (Saving Knowledge, p.327).

Pride ruled my will

Newman even recognised that it is not always clear how to interpret the lead of the beckoning ‘kindly inner light’. Even when we have prayed for guidance, consulted the scriptures, sought wise council, familiarised ourselves with the Church’s teaching we can be mistaken about God’s will. As an Oratory Father, writing a confidential letter to Henry Wilberforce, Newman admits with characteristic humility:

‘I have wished earnestly to do some good work…and have to the best of my lights, taken what I thought God would have me do – but again and again, plan after plan, has crumbled under my hands and come to nought.’ (Letter, 20th August, 1869).

So long thy power hath blest me

The Cardinal maintained that in such circumstances where a direction is unclear we need to remain focused on the basics:

‘…be brave; make acts of faith, hope and charity; put yourself into God’s hands, and thank Him for all that He sends you, pleasant or painful.’ (Letter, 3rd October, 1884).

I do not ask to see the distant scene

Newman taught that a person who was unsure of how to interpret God’s will, he or she must be steadfast and patient.

To all who are perplexed in any way soever, who wish for light but cannot find it, one precept must be given, obey. It is obedience which brings a man into the right path; it is obedience keeps him there and strengthens him in it. Under all circumstances, whatever be the cause of the distress – obey. In the words of the text, ‘Wait on the Lord, and keep His way, and He shall exalt thee.’ (Obedience the Remedy, p.147).

One step enough for me

This ‘waiting’ is to involve actively developing our inner life through prayer and the eucharist.

‘Do not despair then; nay, do not despond…He gives grace by little and little. It is by coming daily into his presence that by degrees we find ourselves awed by that presence and able to believe and obey Him. Therefore if anyone desires illumination to know God’s will, as well as strength to do it, let him come to Mass daily, if he possibly can. At least let him present himself daily before the Blessed Sacrament, and, as it were, offer his heart to His Incarnate Saviour, presenting it as a reasonable offering to be influenced, changed, and sanctified under the eye and by the grace of the Eternal Son.’ (Catholic Sermons, p.52).

Those angel faces smile which I have loved

Newman concludes with characteristic encouragement for those who are suffering and are longing for the Kindly Light of God to lead them from the ‘encircling gloom’.

‘It is the consolation which comes from above, and that alone, which can aid you – and that you have abundantly. And as time goes on, the pain will be less and less, and the light of divine consolation will become brighter and brighter – for you will understand, more than anyone else, how great a thing it is to have a son, secured from the ten thousand temptations of the world, and safely lodged in unchangeable blessedness.

Meantime, be sure you have the deep sympathy of all who know and love you and their best prayers.’ (Letter, 24th November 1857).

If anyone desires illumination to know God’s will, as well as strength to do it, let him come to Mass dailyFinally, writing to a Dominican Sister at Stone who was dying Newman offers the following consolation:

‘God’s Angel will be with you every step you take – and I will try to help you with my best remembrances and sacred wishes as you descend into the valley – but you are to be envied not lamented over, because you are going to your own Lord and God, your Light, your Treasure, and your Life. Only pray for me in your place of peace and rest, for I at most can be but a little time behind you.

Yet a little and a very little while, and He that is to come will come, and will not tarry.

Ever yours affectionately in Xt.,’ (Ward, Vol II, 325).

Lead Kindly Light

Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom, lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home; lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Thou shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now lead Thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years!

So long Thy power hath blest me, sure it still will lead me on.
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till the night is gone,
And with the morn those angel faces smile, which I
Have loved long since, and lost awhile!

Meantime, along the narrow rugged path, Thyself hast trod,
Lead, Saviour, lead me home in childlike faith, home to my God.
To rest forever after earthly strife
In the calm light of everlasting life.